Okay, here’s the deal. This is a blog. Anyone in the universe is welcome to read it without providing any information whatsoever. If you don’t provide any information, then I don’t have to worry about protecting it, which makes both our lives easier.
If you do decide to respond to my drivel with drivel of your own, then practically by definition you’re asking me to post it on the blog. This I will happily do unless you’re a spammer, an obvious nut case, or someone in Bangalore who calls himself “Barney” and claims to work at a pharmacy in Canada that will sell you Viagra without the inconvenience of actually having to have a doctor with cold hands playing with your genitalia.
Unless you fit into one of the above groups, anything you submit for posting on this blog may very well be published, at which point everyone in the Interweb-connected world will be able to see it. So if you don’t want something published, don’t submit it in the first place. It’s a really easy solution. But if you do submit something, then you are giving me permission to post it and share it will all my fans and followers. Both of them.
Whatever information that you do submit will be encrypted in transit using technology that’s so nifty and awesome that even the NSA can’t crack it. And yes, it does seem a little strange to me that that should even be necessary considering that you’re expressly asking me to make the stuff that you submit public. Why is it important that stuff you want to make public has to be kept private on its way to becoming public? That doesn’t make sense. But a lot of things don’t make sense to me these days.
The information that you submit will be stored away on a database on a server in a datacenter somewhere, and which I make as secure as I can. It will not be used for any purpose other than to power this site, and it will not be shared with anyone. In fact, even I won’t read it. I will have read it once when you submitted it, and I have no desire to read it again. It’s frankly not all that interesting.
Whatever you send me will also be backed up in multiple places because I don’t trust computers very much. They’re like mistresses: Lots of fun, but not very trustworthy. So I treat my backup locations like my mistresses and try to keep them separate so they can’t conspire gang up on me. As is the case with my mistresses, I figure if my backup locations don’t know each other, then they can’t conspire against me.
You are required to provide an email address to post here. Why? Because WordPress requires it, and I’m much to lazy to look for the setting to turn that off. But I can assure you that I will not share your email address with anyone. Frankly, I’m not even sure where I would find it if I wanted to. I’m sure it’s tucked away somewhere in the database, but I really have no idea exactly where. Neither do I care because I have absolutely no intention of sending you any email.
Speaking of cookies, of all the things in life I could obsess over, cookies would be pretty low on the list. I mean, seriously, they’re stored on your browser, on your computer, in your room, in your home. If you want to delete them, then go ahead and delete them. No one will care. The sun will still rise in the morning like it always does.
As is the case with every Web server in the Interweb-connected world, my servers obtain your IP address when you visit this site.Why? Because if it didn’t, it wouldn’t know where to send the pages. This information is also stored away in the stats logs, which I rarely (if ever) actually read. There’s nothing very interesting in there.
Your IP address does not identify you as a real person. It could, but I would need to get a warrant or a subpoena against your ISP if I wanted to do that. Speaking of which, if I ever get a valid warrant or subpoena served against me demanding my server’s data, I will honor it.
Thanks for reading this page and learning about my privacy policies. I’m sure we’ll both sleep better tonight as a result.